Tag Archives: dating how-tos


4 tips to beat your Dating Demons

Dating Demons and how you can overcome them.

Lets start with Stigma – Ever feared the stigma of family, friends or work colleagues seeing your single profile out there online? Here you are in a good job, independent, successful yet single? Well here’s the upside. Facts are over 50% of first marriages, 67% of second and 73% of third marriages fail, let alone break ups from those not married, so rest assured there are plenty of others in the same boat as this means that there are more singles than ever and the internet is definitely where it is at. So get out there and do it, be discreet if needed, but remember the longer you wait the longer it takes.
Next, worried you are out of touch or too old? Well don’t be! Guess what the fastest growing and most vibrant age group is? Yep the mature market! And better still the dating process can bring out your best, most creative and competitive side and inspire you to look and be your best.
Now maybe you are recovering from a break up and don’t feel up to it? So while it is recommended you go through an appropriate grieving period, especially if you were in a very long relationship, getting back out there is also a vital step in moving on and getting out and about and having new places to go and talk about are also equally important steps. So just see it as all part of the journey.
Lastly have you lost your confidence from being rejected or being single for too long? Then maybe it’s just the right time to have a re think give yourself a dating makeover and a fresh start. Why not start here with our free mini bootcamp, dating advice and profile help.

Alternatively, if you are too busy with work and other things you can pay us to manage the process for you, anything from a profile makeover all the way to helping you choose your date. Just send your details below and we will contact you immediately.

So shake those demons and have some fun!

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email image

Email communication in the online dating world

email image

Your first email, whether it follows some mutual generic communication (winks, kisses etc) or is a direct response to a profile that has gained your interest, is another vehicle where first impressions are key.

The principles applied in writing a great online dating profile are again relevant here

Know what you are looking for.  The email is a great place to quickly re-state what kind of person it is that you are looking for.  Don’t simply rehash a sentence from your profile, but pick out something from theirs that resonates with you and link it to what you are looking for eg  “I am interested in ….and I see that you….”

Decide what you want to convey.  This is not about another list of things you want to tell the person about yourself, but let the tone of the email convey your emotions – genuine interest in the person, enthusiasm to hear more about them and positivity in pursuing the next step.

Distinguish yourself. If this is a direct response to a person without any exchange beforehand, it is doubly important that you distinguish yourself from the vast generic population on online dating sites.  The person hasn’t found you from your profile, so consider what you can do to attract their interest.  The subject line of your email is a perfect place to insert a phrase that indicates you have read their profile and can demonstrate why you would be a great match.  If the recipient has received a number of emails by the time they next log in, it’s a way of having yours stand out.


  • Check spelling and grammar with care.  You should have done this with your profile, don’t let your email let you down.
  • Ask a couple of questions about something you read in their profile. This shows you read it and allows them to talk about themselves.
  • Include some subtle flattery – about a photo that caught your eye or an achievement you find impressive
  • Emphasise what you can bring to a relationship rather than just describing yourself
  • Be confident, but not boastful
  • Make sure it finishes with a call to action so that they know the ball is in their court
  • Specify your preference for what type of communication comes next eg email, a phone call, an online chat..


  • Avoid lame one liners – check whether it sounds like something you would really say out loud, face to face.
  • Don’t be generic – a recipient can detect a bland, mass-style email a mile away.  ‘hi, loved your profile, tell me more’ indicates you haven’t taken the time to actually look at it.
  • Don’t use abbreviations or text-speak.
  • Avoid informal nicknames like babe, sexy etc.  If you don’t know their actual name yet, address them by their screen name
  • Avoid blatant, obvious physical references
  • Steer clear of requesting personal information too soon
  • Don’t discuss exes, the reason for prior relationship breakups
  • Hold off responding until they reply to your email so you are not badgering them for a response.
  • If you decide at some point during email communication this person is not for you, send a short email to close it out respectfully rather than leaving the person hanging.

Above all, keep it short, positive and authentic so that you give yourself every chance of the communication channel remaining open.

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Managing responses to your online profile

managing responses

Very shortly after listing your profile, you may start to receive responses from other online daters.  The sites have differences in how the process works, but there are general principles that are useful in considering how to respond.

Are you interested?  Read the profile thoroughly and determine your interest.  Refer to dealbreakers vs nice-to-haves for help in identifying what is important.

Do you want to know more?  Is there something you read in their profile or contact email that you want explore further?

The tools are fairly simple if the answer is yes to these questions.  If you have multiple respondents that are of interest, its useful to focus on one or two at a time rather than pursuing many in parallel.

If you are responding by an email rather than a generic tool-generated response, see email communication in the online dating world for tips.

If you are receiving contact from people that are not of interest to you, try to respond to them all anyway.  Most sites give you a quick painless way to respond to those that are not of interest. Aim to respond to all of them.  There are online daters who send out many contact requests generically, casting a wide net to improve their chances without even reading profiles, as well as that person who has actually read and considered your profile and is now keenly awaiting your response.  You can’t know which type you are dealing with.  You would not appreciate being ignored if you were the one waiting for a response so try to respond quickly to all.  If you are inundated with requests check if the site allows you to hide your profile for a short period to give you some breathing space.

Look at the volume of unsuitable responses. Too many? Again, due to some people generically responding, particularly if you are a new listing on the site, you may have a number that don’t meet your criteria and can be quickly excluded. It will be clear from looking at their basic profile detail that they don’t meet your requirements and you can quickly respond.  Rule out these then look at the remainder.  Are there any trends in the responses that indicate criteria you may need to tighten in your profile?  If your geographic spread is too wide, if you are getting too many people older than your desired age range, consider altering your criteria.  Some sites provide tools or a premium service to prevent people contacting you if they don’t meet your criteria in order to save you time.

Consider adding some more wording in your profile to give respondents a clearer view of what is suitable for you.  Review what it is that you are looking for and ensure all that is important is overtly described somewhere in your profile rather than being in your mental checklist that you apply when you receive a response.

The sites generally have great tools to respond to those who make first contact either in the negative or positive, its useful to do this as quickly and efficiently as possible to move past this key first step in the process.

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Selecting a photo for your online dating profile


The first stop for anyone viewing your online dating profile is your picture. More discerning users will look past a less optimal photo to read your profile, but you need to regard the photo as a critical step in attracting someone to your profile in the first instance.

Key to your photo selection are some of the principles we covered in how to write a great online dating profile

  • Knowing what you are looking for in a partner will give insight into what kind of photo of your own is consistent with that.  A collection of nightclub or party photos may be off-putting to someone who is more of homebody but someone you would really like to meet.
  • Deciding on what you want to convey in words in your profile applies equally to your photo.  If you highlight in your photo your outdoor hobbies, photos of you involved in those activities will likely show you at your best. If you declare your love of your pets, a photo with them will show that authenticity and are very appealing to viewers.
  • Determining what it is that distinguishes you from the thousands of other profiles is something that you have greater scope to do in the words in your profile, but also consider whether your standout characteristics can be demonstrated in a picture.

Other photo selection basics:

  • Choose more than one.
  • Include a full length body shot – if someone is going to make an assessment of you based on your body type you better that they do this upfront than when you first meet
  • Keep it current – a photo that is flattering because it is ten years old will not do you any favours if you don’t look like that now
  • Avoid ‘selfies’ from your bathroom.  Find someone to take a good photo of you if you don’t have a selection on hand.
  • Use caution with staged ‘glamour’ shots – you don’t look like this all the time so combine with more natural photos if you are going to use one.
  • Ensure you are smiling and avoid camouflaging your face in sunglasses and baseball caps
  • Make sure the photo is clear and that you aren’t so far away that its impossible to see what you look like
  • Look at what you are wearing in the photo to ensure it presents a good image of you.
  • Run your selection past a friend and ask for an objective view on how well the pictures reflect you.

If you think your initial photos aren’t doing you justice, consider changing them or adding others based on feedback you get in the early days on the site.

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